


the ghost of me will keep us far apart

by TheThirdTemptationOfParis



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Juno Steel Needs a Hug, Junoverse | Juno Steel Universe, Other, Peter is Soft for Juno, Season 1 Finale Redux, Title from a Marianas Trench Song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:55:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24744955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheThirdTemptationOfParis/pseuds/TheThirdTemptationOfParis
Summary: Juno doesn’t realize how fast or how much he’s talking until Nureyev has his face in his hands again, gently turning him towards him, “Juno Steel, you knock that off immediately. You deserveeverything.What in this galaxy made you think you don’t?”What do you mean this isn't how season one ended?
Relationships: Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel
Comments: 10
Kudos: 176





	the ghost of me will keep us far apart

Juno Steel does not fall asleep next to Peter Nureyev. He wants to do nothing more than just that, but he can’t. It’s not a matter of trust as it would have been in the past, that first night with Peter disguised as Agent Rex Glass, when Juno had just gotten too many off feelings about the man. And it wasn’t a matter of not needing sleep, because he sure as hell did need a good night sleep. It’s a matter of the fact that he knows, deep in his bones, that he doesn’t deserve the man beside him.

This fact has been instilled in him since he was young. He wasn’t deserving of a mother’s love, of a younger brother, of the friends he had, of his first love. It was always fights, regrets, mistakes, more fights because of those mistakes, and the cycle just keeps going. He always had to apologize for everything, even if it wasn’t his fault, but with Nureyev… it was different. He didn’t have to earn his trust, his love, it was handed to him within moments of walking into the Kanagawa mansion. And when they met again, nothing had changed. Through Engstrom, through Miasma, even inside his mind, looking through his past, Nureyev trusted him.

But now, in bed with Nureyev wrapped around his stiffened arm, it hits Juno like a ton of bricks. If they leave Mars together without a word, leave Hyperion City, and something goes wrong out there among the galaxies, Juno won’t have anything to come back to. When they’re out there, alone, there won’t be anywhere to hide during the dark days, the days where Juno gets too far in his head and says something he doesn’t mean a few too many times and Nureyev gets sick of it.

So he lays there, wanting to relax, wanting to hold the man next to him, to return him the comfort he has always given so readily. But he couldn’t. So he carefully extracted his arm from Nureyev’s grasp and stood from the bed. But he didn’t tear his eyes away from the still sleeping form. Nureyev reached out in his sleep, finding the bed beside him empty, and let out a quiet, “Juno?” Tears welled in the detective’s eye, and he hides his face in his hands as Nureyev lets out another, “Juno?”

There’s a shifting of the sheets as Nureyev untangles himself, but Juno doesn’t look at him. He buries his face deeper into his hands, pushing his palm into his still existent eye, like it could wake him from a dream. Like maybe he would wake up in the ancient Martian burial chamber and Nureyev hadn’t actually come back for him.

“Juno, my darling, what is it?” His voice was full of panic as he scrambled to the edge of the bed. His hands lightly cup Juno’s elbows, not trying to pull his hands from his face, just being present. How could a master thief still be so careful with boundaries? Even that night, all throughout being together, he always asked, always searching for Juno’s consent. It grips his heart like a fist.

“I can’t, Nureyev. I just can’t,” Juno sputters, removing one of his hands from his face in order to grip at Nureyev’s forearm like he alone was a lifeline.

“Can’t what, Juno?” His voice is still frantic and he grips Juno in response, “Juno, look at me, please.”

And damn, Juno can’t deny him when he sounds like that. So he looks. Nureyev’s eyes… they’re terrified. He’s scanning Juno’s face like a madman, kneeling on the edge of the bed, reaching out to cradle his face.

“Look me in the eye, Juno Steel. In my eyes.” 

And then Juno understands. Nureyev thinks he lost sight in his other eye. So he looks. He holds Nureyev’s gaze for a few moments until the man deflates, his head falling to Juno’s hand, kissing his knuckles.

“Juno Steel, _never_ scare me like that again. Christ, I thought you couldn’t see. Come back to bed, darling. Talk to me, please.” 

Nureyev slides across the bed, freeing up Juno’s side, but he hesitates, “Nureyev, I can’t.”

And then it’s Nureyev’s turn to look. To see and realize. He clears his throat and looks down at his hands, “You can’t stay? Or you won’t?”

“Nureyev…”

“Tell me the truth. Tell me the truth or I walk out of here myself.”

Juno’s heart plummets, because that’s always the ultimatum, isn’t it? Juno Steel does something wrong and is left to pick the pieces of his heart again. So he steels himself and looks Nureyev dead on, “If that’s what you want, I won’t stop you.”

And just as it always seems to go with Nureyev, the dynamic shifts, but Juno is so dizzy from the last few moments that he doesn’t remember who’s supposed to be in control.

Nureyev looks back at him, and the look in his eyes is so guarded and hurt that it makes Juno even dizzier. He looks younger. He looks like he did seconds before he killed Mag, “I don’t want that, and you don’t want that, so please, Juno, sit down and talk to me.”

Juno sits down. He takes a deep breath, and he starts talking, “Just like I told you back in the burial chamber, you are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, I would give up my life a thousand times for you, a million times, even, because I know with my entire being that I don’t deserve you, Peter Nureyev. I don’t deserve your real name, I don’t deserve to have my life saved by you, I don’t deserve to have you come back for me, I don’t deserve to sleep beside you, I don’t—”

Juno doesn’t realize how fast or how much he’s talking until Nureyev has his face in his hands again, gently turning him towards him, “Juno Steel, you knock that off immediately. You deserve _everything_. What in this galaxy made you think you don’t?”

Juno laughs mirthlessly, “Everything. You think I deserve everything when everything insists on proving you wrong.”

Nureyev’s thumbs graze his cheeks, loosening the tension of his jaw, “I don’t think, I know. The few weeks you’ve had? The life you’ve had? Juno, you are so deserving. You just lost an eye trying to save our lives!”

“I got you tortured for weeks because I wasn’t strong enough to do everything Miasma asked.”

“Juno—”

“Damn it, Nureyev, stop babying me! I don’t deserve to see the galaxies with you because I got you tortured. _Tortured_ , Peter, and you can still tell me you’ve fallen in love with me and look at me like that? It’s not fair to you, the things I’ve done.”

Nureyev’s hands hadn’t left his face, so Juno could feel the barely perceptible flex of his muscles, but he saw his jaw drop open, just slightly, as he gasped, “You’ve never called me Peter before…”

The soft look on his face pulls on Juno’s heart, makes him laugh softly and pull the venom from his voice, “After all I said just then, and that’s the part you hold on to? Honestly, if I would’ve known it was that easy to make you go weak in the knees, I would’ve done it ages ago.”

Peter laughs too, pulling Juno forward to kiss him. Juno lets himself be pulled, smiling into those soft as silk lips, “Juno, you know we can work through this, right? Miasma was the one who pushed too far in the experiments. I don’t blame you, darling. Not for any of it.”

“But baby, I—”

“Sh, Juno. I forgive you. Now sleep. We’ll talk more about it in the morning.”

So Juno Steel let himself be pulled into Peter Nureyev’s arms, let all the tension in his body go when Peter kissed his brow, his cheeks, his lips. He let himself sink fully into the mattress as Peter traced the line of his spine with his fingertips, rhythmic and present. As their breaths fell into sync, Juno let himself drift off. Yes, they could talk about it more in the morning, because Peter will always be by his side when he wakes.


End file.
